I just wanted to write that I'm very glad that people think of me enough to lend me the books they lend me, but I have to let you know that I have no interest in them.
To me it is the same as reading a book on Creationism written by a "Creationist Expert" and while there's nothing wrong with it, I just have no interest.
Telling me that the car accident was my desire (or Kathy's or Delia's) or that my Fibromyalgia is all in my head is just insulting to me and I believe better of people (or want to) than that.
If you're a person who truly believes that when my roommate and new friend died because one of them fell asleep for a split second that it was our will/desire to have what happened happen (and I'm not saying you do, but I've had people say this to me in the past fifteen years) it makes me just as ill now as it did then.
My friends and family have my love and my true and honest desire for them to be happy. But all of you (!) please stop pressing your beliefs on me. Your systems do not work for me and I do not believe in them. I am glad that some of you have found love and somebody to share your interests with. I am also glad that some of you feel healthy and at peace. But what works for you will most likely not work for me.
Please understand that I mean no disrespect. However I feel quite disrespected by people ignoring the gentle hints and things I've said enough to lend me a book that makes me so angry and nauseous I can't fall asleep. It actually caused a full fledged panic attack because of how angry it makes me that anybody would ever say that Delia and Kathy (and my other friends who have died due to random chance) wanted to do so. They didn't. They were young and full of life and full of love and they damn well deserved a better end and later end than they got.
So my husband is falling asleep beside me while we both wait for the two Ativan to make their way through my system enough for me to stop fixating on the book that is downstairs, sitting on the counter. Not wanted. Not asked for. In fact, asked to please let me ignore it with it's pseudo-science and lack of actual physics knowledge.
Nobody deserves to be gang raped as a young child. Nobody deserves to be molested and then raped as a child. Nobody deserves to fall asleep in a car only to either be one of the two dead or the last survivor having the scent of dirt and blood in their nostrils fifteen years later because of a book on a table. Just leave it be. Leave me be. And I will do my damnedest to leave you and your (to me) psychotic wish dreams of a world with meaning and faith alone. Because in my eyes you're just delusional and I'm alone and awake with this knowledge. It doesn't make me happier. But it makes me at least feel in touch with reality.
Wil Wheaton shares the geek love of xkcd with the rest of us silly gamer types.
